December 6, 2007

A Bill of Rights for a More Modern Age

Hatched by Dave Ross

It has occurred to me that in view of the fact that the Constitution, particularly the Bill of Rights, is a “living document,” that we should rewrite it with the more modern age in mind.

Since the framers couldn’t possibly have known about television, the Internet, hip hop, atomic weapons, terrorism and the rights of minorities and women (they were, after all, dead white men), obviously their views may be antique at best and dangerously anachronistic. After all, what could a bunch of slave-holding plutocrats know about rights?

First Amendment: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

New version: Freedom from Religion: No one will be forced to endure anyone else’s expression of religion. Although everyone will be allowed to practice their religion, they cannot do so if it would offend anyone else’s religion. Nothing in this amendment shall be taken to pertain to the Islamic religion.

Freedom of Speech and the Press: Congress shall make no laws abridging the Freedom of Speech or the press unless said speech or press creates corruption in government, or makes it harder for an incumbent to be reelected, or makes it harder for progressive causes to move forward, or offends any minority or interest group. Furthermore said speech must be truthful, with truth to be determined by the person who is most likely to be offended by it. Furthermore, any act of expression, however otherwise lawful, is not protected if someone can claim that it would promote hatred. Other than that, say anything you want!

Freedom to Assemble, Petition: Because lobbyism tends to corrupt good government, the freedom to petition the government shall be limited to individuals, not organizations, and individuals shall also not be allowed to petition the government if they are part of some interest group. The freedom to associate with anyone you want shall not be abridged, unless you don’t choose to associate with members of other races or sexual orientation, in which case you will be forced to do so.

Well, thankfully we got through the First Amendment. It was a big one, and others should be easier to dispose of.

Hatched by Dave Ross on this day, December 6, 2007, at the time of 4:54 AM

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The following hissed in response by: Diffus

Revised Second Amendment:

The above hissed in response by: Diffus [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 6, 2007 6:15 AM

The following hissed in response by: Geoman

Right to bear arms:

A well regulated militia being required to protect individual liberty, the federal government will organize, arm, control, and appoint such a militia. Individuals have the right to bear arms, but only if they are used for purposes other than self protection or the killing of animals.

If the government is unable to protect individuals from enemies, foreign and domestic, then the individual right to bear arms will be revoked to reduce the level of violence and protect the innocent.

The above hissed in response by: Geoman [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 6, 2007 9:02 AM

The following hissed in response by: Stephen Macklin

If I may be permitted a bit of shameless self promotion:

If you would like to remember the original First Amendment, you can do so with these attractive Bill Of Rights t-shirts and drinking vessels. There's still time to order one for The Winter Holiday. They make great gifts for the history buffs on your shopping list.

The above hissed in response by: Stephen Macklin [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 6, 2007 9:49 AM

The following hissed in response by: hunter

YOU have outdone yourself. I think you should specifically address the 'fairness' doctrine, however.

The above hissed in response by: hunter [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 7, 2007 3:42 AM

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