Big Lizards:Blog:Entry “Here's a Switch --”

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July 7, 2006

Here's a Switch --

Hatched by Dafydd

UPDATE AND BUMP: See bottom of post.

In a bizarre twist of politics, the Democrats are fighting like the dickens over Rep. Tom DeLay... to keep him on the ballot in Texas, rather than to boot him off. The theory -- and I think it's so transparent, it's going to create blowback -- is that with DeLay's "ethical" problems (i.e., he incurred the wrath of notoriously vindictive and partisan D.A. Ronnie Earle), having DeLay's name on the ballot will so turn off Texas voters, that they'll vote for the Democrat in a strongly Republican district.

I suppose it could work... if, as Democrats believe, Texas voters are all as dumb as a box of bratwurst. Otherwise, they will easily be able to figure out just what the Democrats are up to.

Indicted former U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay must stay on the November congressional ballot despite withdrawing from the race, a federal court ruled on Thursday in a decision that could help Democrats win this key seat.

Texas Republicans quickly responded they would appeal the decision by the U.S. court in Austin, Texas, for the right to choose another Republican to run against Democrat Nick Lampson. The seat is crucial to Democratic hopes to pick up the 15 seats needed to regain control of the House of Representatives.

Well, then I can confidently predict that those "hopes" will be dashed: I have nigh religious faith that Texans are not the bunch of slope-browed, eye-ridged, knuckle-dragging, drooling, cousin-marrying, dimwitted, bone-headed ceeement-heads with an extra chromosome that Ronnie Earle and his Democratic chums in Austin imagine describes any Southerner who actually believes in God, the flag, and the Lone Star state. (For example, I'll bet they can even work their way through the snarled syntax of that last sentence.)

In other words, I suspect them Texans'll say to theirselves, "podner -- now why would those Dem-o-crats be wantin' to keep ol' Tom on that dad-burned ballot, when we all know they tuck to him like a snake tucks to a mongoose?" And at some point (probably in the first 1.3 seconds after asking the question), the answer will occur: pretty much just what I wrote above about the Dem-o-crats thinking that DeLay on the ballot will cause all these "stupid" Texicans to vote for Nick Lampson (former D-TX, 75% from the ADA in 2002).

Now, I don't know about you, but I get positively mean when I sense someone thinks I'm as dumb as a big, dumb, ol' cow-patty sandwich. Especially when I'm pretty sure I top him in the IQ department by a couple of stories or mebbie three. So count me among those who think that this shenanigan will not only not help the Democrats capture the Texas 22nd district -- it will blow up in their faces like that guy in Pennsylvania who tried to light his barbecue using gunpowder.

U.S. Judge Sam Sparks in Austin said DeLay could take his name off the ballot by formally withdrawing from the race. If DeLay formally withdraws, the Republican Party cannot replace him, likely giving the seat to Democrat Lampson.

DeLay's office predicted on Thursday the decision would be overturned by a U.S. appeals court.

They'd be better off if it wasn't... blowback is a beautiful thing to watch -- from the other side!

And here is what Tom DeLay and the Republicans could do to ensure that's exactly what happens: they must make a game out of it. DeLay should stump all across Texas, but definitely hit the 22nd a few times; and he should mock the Democrats' dirty trick in every speech. Get the audience laughing with him at the "East-Coast liberals and their Austin lapdogs" and how they think all real Texans are as dumb as first-loser in a head-pounding competition.

Then, with great fanfare, the Republicans should hold their own "private primary" in the district... at their own expense and in their own venues. Any Republican registered in the 22nd district is urged to go to the local church or Elk's lodge or barbecue pit and "vote."

Tom DeLay should announce that everyone should vote for him -- and on the day he takes office, he'll immediately resign. Then Texas Gov. Rick Perry announces that as soon as DeLay resigns, he will appoint the winner of the "private primary," no matter who it is... guar-an-teed.

Thus, Texas Republicans will know that if they vote for Tom DeLay, they're not really voting for Tom DeLay; they're voting for the guy who won the (unofficial) Republican primary. He'll get both the staunch GOP votes and also the votes of anyone whose reaction to getting smoke blown in his face is to blow some smoke right back at 'em. Whoever the Republican "nominee" is, he'll get his appointment to the seat.

Then, if the Democrats demand a special election to replace the appointee -- Republicans go to town, campaigning on the theme, "look what these here jerks are doing now! Look how much money they're costing the district, just to play their limp-wristed reindeer games." By the time the special election is actually held, the GOP appointee will win confirmation by 80-20... and the net effect will be a strongly Republican seat will become a total Republican lock for the next three electoral cycles.

And then we'll see who looks as dumb as a stuffed bunny-wabbit lacking a leg and a head.

UPDATE: Rhymes With Right notes that governors don't have authority to appoint a replacement member of the House, should one resign -- only senators. Therefore, here is the new scheme: DeLay runs, promising to resign the moment he takes office; he wins, he resigns; then there is a special election, and the Republicans get to vote in a real primary for whomever they want -- and again, the campaign reminds everyone that "this expensive special election was brought to you by... the Democrats! Who insisted that DeLay had to be the standard bearer because they thought you were so stupid, you would vote for the Democrat."

That should work just as well as the above scheme... and even better, it's actually legal!

Hatched by Dafydd on this day, July 7, 2006, at the time of 12:21 PM

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Comments

The following hissed in response by: k2aggie07

Well, then I can confidently predict that those "hopes" will be dashed: I have nigh religious faith that Texans are not the bunch of slope-browed, eye-ridged, knuckle-dragging, drooling, cousin-marrying, dimwitted, bone-headed ceeement-heads with an extra chromosome that Ronnie Earle and his Democratic chums in Austin imagine describes any Southerner who actually believes in God, the flag, and the Lone Star state. (For example, I'll bet they can even work their way through the snarled syntax of that last sentence.)

Aww, you say the nicest things.

The above hissed in response by: k2aggie07 at July 7, 2006 6:24 AM

The following hissed in response by: Rhymes With Right

One problem -- Governors cannot appoint replacements for the House of Representatives,, only the Senate. A Delay resignation would therefore result in a special election -- which is what happens anyway if he maintains his out-of-state residence and wins.

The above hissed in response by: Rhymes With Right at July 7, 2006 6:42 AM

The following hissed in response by: Mr. Michael

I wonder how the 'Write in' laws apply here... Could DeLay campaign on the ticket of "Write in for Bob?"

The above hissed in response by: Mr. Michael at July 7, 2006 7:55 AM

The following hissed in response by: FredTownWard

I suspect this will all be moot because I cannot imagine the 5th Circuit NOT overturning this ludicrous example of federal judicial activism and interference in state election laws. It would be one thing if Delay had waited until the last minute to try and withdraw, but the idea that a candidate who has already VOTED in an election from his new residence cannot be declared ineligible and replaced more than FIVE months out because of some judicially created "Catch-22" is simply too stupid and too obvious an abuse of the electoral process to stand any scrutiny IMHO.

The above hissed in response by: FredTownWard at July 7, 2006 9:22 AM

The following hissed in response by: Sheik Yur Bouty

I think the Dems are in a "be careful what you ask for" situation.

I actually live in CD22 and I can tell you there are a lot of people here who would love to vote for Delay again! They really don't understand this district.

The Dems are currently running a very large get out the vote campaign....for the GOP.

Bring. It. On.

The above hissed in response by: Sheik Yur Bouty at July 7, 2006 10:44 AM

The following hissed in response by: hunter

I live immediately next to CD22. You ahve called it just right, imho.
The dems know they are doing this, btw. They are just getting their slope-browed Kos Koolaid Kids to send in more money.
I think people in CD22 are so ticked off over this that DeLay may well win again....
Just in time for the final collapse of the Travis Co. DA's case and the state-wide blowback that is coming.

The above hissed in response by: hunter at July 7, 2006 1:15 PM

The following hissed in response by: Bill Faith

Excerpted and linked at Old War Dogs.

The above hissed in response by: Bill Faith at July 7, 2006 11:35 PM

The following hissed in response by: yetanotherjohn

Texas law is very clear about this. Check out chapter 145, especially .035 - .038

There really is no chance that he doesn't get his name withdrawn and a new name added.

Not to doubt the wisdom of a big ol' lizard, but Texans tend not to need much reminding about democrats. For the last couple of elections, every state wide office went to a republican. In a five way governor election we are having, the democrat is coming in fourth (he is edging the libertarian, but behind a democrat turned republican turned independant woman whos has had more last names than she has had political parties, a not very funny "singer/commedian" who welcomed people on his answering machine with the greeting "This is Kinky "big dick" Friedman..." and of course the current governor who we have had for 6 years and when he wins re-election will be on track to be the longest serving governor in Texas history).

The above hissed in response by: yetanotherjohn at July 8, 2006 8:59 AM

The following hissed in response by: Dafydd ab Hugh

YetAnotherJohn:

Not to doubt the wisdom of a big ol' lizard, but Texans tend not to need much reminding about democrats.

Well shoot, maybe not; but everybody could do with a good bellylaugh at the expense of the Democrats pretty regular!

Dafydd

The above hissed in response by: Dafydd ab Hugh at July 8, 2006 11:28 AM

The following hissed in response by: MarkD

What happens if Delay is forced to stay on the ticket and wins? I think "Be careful of what you ask for. You just might get it." applies here.

The above hissed in response by: MarkD at July 9, 2006 9:03 AM

The following hissed in response by: Rhymes With Right

As oneof the GOP precinct chairs in CD22, I'll tell you that I do not think that the decision will be overturned, based upon Sparks having issued a ruling that is constitutionally defensible (even if I disagree with it).

What I see happening is the "Return of Tom" and his subsequent reelection -- and the next two years being filled with local Republicans jockeying for position in the 2008 primary while DeLay serves out his final term in office.

In short, this may turn out to be a blessing indisguise for the GOP -- it gives us time to develop a successor with grassroots support.

The above hissed in response by: Rhymes With Right at July 9, 2006 1:04 PM

The following hissed in response by: Dafydd ab Hugh

Rhymes With Right:

But can DeLay be reelected? Even with the Earle nonsense still hanging over his head? Because you know that if DeLay runs again, Ronnie Earle is going to delay (no pun intended) letting anything go to court -- because he knows the indictment will collapse at that point.

Earle will keep it alive right through the election, just so long as it can hurt Tom DeLay and the Republicans. So given that... is DeLay really reelectable?

(By the way: what particular thing that rhymes with right have you in mind? Fight? Blight? Termite?)

Dafydd

The above hissed in response by: Dafydd ab Hugh at July 9, 2006 4:15 PM

The following hissed in response by: Rhymes With Right

A couple of points.

First, this is a very conservative GOP district -- 55-60%. DeLay can get 50%.

Second, even though many of us are angry with Tom DeLay right now, most of us would be quite pleased to bring him back one more time and rub Ronnie Earle's nose in it (as well as beating Lampson).

Third, with both the prosecution and defense appealing the recent rulings in the criminal case to the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals (the highest criminal court in the state, the Texas Supreme Court is civil cases only), it is likely to be 2007 before the trial of Tom Delay starts -- or later, if they decide to raise a venue question (and there is one -- Texas law allows public integrity cases like this to be moved to the accused's home county -- but Earle wants to keep it in Democrat Travis County instead of Republican Fort Bend County). At worst, DeLay has to give up his seat later and we get a special election. But what most folks outside this area don't realize is that we in CD22 are highly suspicious of Ronnie Earle's case and his motives, so that won't hurt Tom DeLay as much as folks think it will -- consider what Ken Starr did for Bill Clinton's popularity.

As for what rhymes with right, it is my last name, which, like your name, has an unusual spelling and which intimidates my students until they find out that it isn't a typo on their schedule and that it is very easy to pronounce.

The above hissed in response by: Rhymes With Right at July 9, 2006 7:48 PM

The following hissed in response by: hunter

monkyboy, I always enjoy reading your comments.
So now Tom Delay is responsible for the deficit?
ROTF&LMFAO@ you, you maroon.
Go read your friggin' Constitution.

The above hissed in response by: hunter at July 12, 2006 12:57 PM

The following hissed in response by: cdquarles

hunter,

I don't think the silly simian banned troll from CQ can read ('cause if he did read something in said Constitution that demolished his cherished delusions, his head would explode :) ).

The above hissed in response by: cdquarles at July 12, 2006 11:24 PM