Der Krapp

by Brad Linaweaver

Der Krappy Kontents

This was the bad-movies column that took a position distinct from the Medveds and Mystery Science Theater 3000: to wit, the most execrable movie ever made has somebody doing his job properly for a few seconds of professionalism!

Here are my selections of das Beste auf Der Krapp:

  • Introduction ~ Bela Lugosi I
    I started this series because I thought I could find someting good to say about the worst movies ever made, even while making fun of the overall product.
  • Bela Lugosi II
    Belo Lugosi is one of my favorite actors, and I could never get over how he single-handedly made poverty-row films worth watching.
  • Bela Lugosi III
    Part of the joy of analyzing horror films from Monogram and PRC is actually thinking about what is going on in those outreé scripts.
  • Bela Lugosi IV
    One cannot evaluate the degradation of a star without remembering his golden triumphs for contrast with the tarnished products of his survival.
  • Robot Monster I
    Stephen King once wrote that he made the mistake of first watching this film when he was stoned... and almost giggled himself to death.
  • Robot Monster II
    I must write an introduction to this installment -- but I cannot!
  • Robot Monster III
    Phil Tucker went from this triumph to Cape Canaveral Monsters, where the cast enjoys the mountain terrain of central Florida while driving around in cars with California license plates.
  • Big Lizards I
    This is the installment where I had to talk about the really good movie that got me into the genre in the first place.
  • Big Lizards II
    Given the imagination of the early Toho monster films and their high production rebirth a generation later, this column had to focus on the remarkable turkeys they made in the seventies.
  • Big Lizards III
    The worst big-lizards films are the ones where the actors in the "suits" don't try to behave like animals, but go instead for the style of championship wrestling.
  • Big Lizards IV-1
    This is the installment where I hallucinated the most.
  • Big Lizards IV-2
    The quadruple bill at the drive-in is entirely responsible for this one.
  • The Golden Age of Japanese Cinema ~ Giant Monsters
    Once again, I feel compelled to talk about the good examples for contrast with shichimencho.
  • The Golden Age of Japanese Cinema ~ Space Movies
    See previous introductory remarks!
  • The Golden Turkey Awards
    As a result of this installment, I actually received a postcard from Michael Medved, back in the good old days before he started making jokes about "slasher taxes" on violent movies.
  • Blood Soda
    The subject of this piece, Mr. Lewis, actually posed for a photo with Yours Truly at a sci-fi convention in Florida -- and was amused at the way I expressed my opinion of his truly abominable films.
  • The Long Awaited Return of Der Krapp
    After writing for Cult Movies, Filmfax, and Femme Fatales, the new Famous Monsters of Filmland and Spacemen, and a few other genre film magazines, I was invited to resurrect the Der Krapp column with this piece -- my long-awaited commentary on the profound works of Bert I. Gordon.