July 22, 2011

Mother of All Game Changers

Hatched by Dafydd

Barack H. Obama clearly prays -- well, perhaps a better word is "demands" -- that the November 2012 election is about anything other than the economy. Well, the economy or national security.

Or the environment, energy policy, unionista activism, Eric Holder's Department of Injustice, looming amnesty for illegales, or -- but the point is well taken that he desperately needs to change the subject.

About the only arena of political activity in which the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave doesn't find himself at a staggering disadvantage are the social issues: abortion, regligion, and the definition of marriage. In each of these issues, he is perhaps only at a 60-40 disadvantage, a huge improvement over voters' response to his handling of all the water-cooler policies!

Somehow, Obama must shift the entire election to be about one or more of those burning questions... and I have a suggestion, in the form of a three-point plan:

  1. Barack Obama must first convert to a schismatic, heretical sect of some outre religion that can be cast as the underdog; I would suggest he create his own branch of the Church of Scientology: It sounds kind of like "scientific," snagging the fundamentalist secularists; and most folks haven't a clue what Scientologists believe anyway.
  2. This schismatic, heretical sect of Scientology must immediately embrace polygamy as the next logical step in marital expansion and citizen-of-the-world conformity. After all, if "love is all you need," then why can't someone as vast as Obama, who contains such multitudes and doesn't fret over foolish inconsistencies, love -- and therefore marry -- more than one woman? (Or man; but we needn't go that far!)

    He would also immediately gain the support of Moslems and some of the weirder, heretical, discredited, unreconstructed Mormons; Mitt Romney would denounce him, but I suspect Senate Majority Leader Harry "Pinky" Reid (D-Caesar's Palace, 75%) would applaud him (tepidly, perhaps) as an act of party solidarity and self-mortification.

  3. Finally, he should swiftly marry Hillary Clinton, after her quickie divorce from Bill (in Pinky Reid's Las Vegas). Or without the divorce and make it a two-fer. Hillary can once more become the Fist Lady First Lady; Michelle will have to be demoted to Second Lady, but she can be consoled by retaining her access to all the cheeseburgers, french fries, and chocolate shakes she desires -- plus a Diet Coke, of course.

I'm quite certain that would, at the very least, take the focus of the election off everything serious; I doubt any voter would be talking about anything but this bizarre turn of events, including the inevitable "civil rights" lawsuit over polygamy, under the First and Fourteenth Amendments. And of course, Democrats could portray it as the mother of all "Change"!

As things appear to be going at this point in his administration, our three-point plan may be Obama's only hope.

Hatched by Dafydd on this day, July 22, 2011, at the time of 4:07 PM

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