January 10, 2013
The Imperator Misses a Bet
President-for-Life Barack Obama and his Treasury flunkies have concocted a wonderous lotos-dream of an idea. They can't simply print money willy-nilly to reduce the deficit; that's the Federal Reserve's job!
But a bizarre loophole allows them to print -- I mean mint -- a trillion-dollar coin... but only if made out of platinum; evidently, no other chemical element will do.
Their idea is to mint such a coin and stick it in the United States Treasury's account at the Fed. I'm not sure who gets to keep it in his pocket. This would, of course, pretty much eliminate the deficit; after all, the government would just have deposited a trillion dollars in its account -- abra-cadabra, our deficit problems are solved.
But the president and his advisors appear to have missed a huge opportunity... why not simply mint sixteen of those trillion-dollar coins and deposit them all? Voilà, the entire federal debt has just been paid off!
With those sixteen platinum blondes as hostages (is Lady Liberty the new Jean Harlow?), the Fed will cheerfully pump $16 trillion into the economy, in cash-like electronic blips. I'm sure Paul Krugman and other genius economists will assure us that air-dropping sixteen thousand thousand thousand thousand buckaroonies won't affect inflation much; maybe just 100% to 500% per year -- we can live with that. And the One can then take credit for being the first POTUS ever to completely eliminate the national debt. Another spectacular triumph! (All right, except for that old krummhorn Andy Jackson in 1835-1836; but he was an old, white southern racist, so he can safely be ignored.)
Solving great dilemmas is so much simpler when you get to redefine and reprogram all the normal rules of economics, politics, science, and mathematics to suit your own convenience and conceits. Just ask Captain Kirk about that pesky Kobayashi Maru test.
Hatched by Dafydd on this day, January 10, 2013, at the time of 2:30 AM
The following hissed in response by: snochasr
Here's a better approach, that saves a lot of money. We're already making up new molds for these commemorative quarters, so make up one extra, for the District of Columbia (how appropriate). It doesn't have to be made of platinum, brass would do, but simply declare its value to be $1 trillion! It's fiat money, after all, with no (or less) intrinsic value. Sort of like supporters of the idea.
The following hissed in response by: Geoman
Let them have their coin, but it must be printed on solid helium.
The following hissed in response by: Dafydd ab Hugh
...printed on solid helium.
Talk about yer frozen assets!
The above hissed in response by: Dafydd ab Hugh at January 22, 2013 10:53 PM
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