Big Lizards:Blog:Entry “A Brazen Proposal”

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December 11, 2012

A Brazen Proposal

Hatched by Dafydd

We all recognize the anti-carbon hysteria sweeping the sinistrosphere, leading to such energy-killing proposals as carbon caps (death to industry!), carbon-credit markets (millions to Algore!), bans on fracking and drilling on federal land (what the frack -- ?), upwardly spiraling CAFE standards (lighter, flimsier cars that crumble in a crash), and downwardly spiraling mandatory emissions standards (the death-spiral of Capitalism). Not to mention a thousand international climate conferences every year, which are as annoying as all get out.

But on the other hand, we also know from scientific research that carbon dioxide, far from being a deadly poison (about as poisonous as that other "greenhouse gas," dihydrogen monoxide), is not only vital to plant growth, but is so beneficial that plants grow faster, stronger, larger, more pest resistant, and even tastier when grown in a very high-CO₂ atmosphere.

To quote the late George Carlin, "some see the glass as half full, some see the glass as half empty; but I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be!"

The solution is obvious: Instead of banning carbon, shouldn't we encourage industry to burn more carbon-based fuel, producing even more carbon dioxide? That "pollutant" is really a gas!

Our factories should burn more fuel to produce lots and lots of CO₂.

The factories capture the gas, pump it into tanks, and sell it on the free market to farmers.

Meanwhile, farmers should get busy enclosing their fields in giant, airtight greenhouses. (This might be easier for hydroponic farms, also a good idea.)

They buy the CO₂ tanks and use them to pump up the carbon dioxide content of the atmosphere in the greenhouse, thus producing much better yields, and incidentally needing to use much less pesticide.

As the plants grow, they produce more O₂ (pure oxygen)... which the farmers can capture and sell right back to industrial use (for oxyacetylene torches, hospitals, military jet aviation, rocket fuel, and so forth).

See? Win, win, win! When life gives you limes, make apple martinis.

I don't know why nobody else ever thinks of these things; or at least, nobody with the power to do anything about it.

Hatched by Dafydd on this day, December 11, 2012, at the time of 1:40 PM

Comments

The following hissed in response by: GW

1. There was a study about two years ago crediting the growth in CO2 concentrations since the start of the Industrial Age with the ever growing agricultural yields that have allowed the earth to sustain an exploding population.

2. The greenies have been at pains for years to explain how increased plant food in the atmosphere will have no impact on agricultural yields. The studies they have used to justify this are simply laughable for their failure to follow the scientific method.

3. The other benefit of CO2 is that it may limit the impacts of the next ice age. There have been 5 in earth's history, with the second or third having turned the earth into a snowball, even at the equator. We as a species are in far more danger from a returning ice age than we are from warming temps - and it has been significantly warmer in the past than it is today, even within the past two millennia. Given that many believe that the sun is set to lower our temps over the next few decades, I am with you, let's rev up the SUV's.

The above hissed in response by: GW at December 13, 2012 10:57 AM