Big Lizards:Blog:Entry “McCain at 3 a.m.”

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March 7, 2008

McCain at 3 a.m.

Hatched by Dave Ross

I think I’ve seen at least three spots this week that highlight a highly dangerous aspect of John McCain’s personality, one that might very well cost him the election if it becomes too noticeable, and which, if he gets into the White House, should make for some interesting moments during those foreign policy moments such as what Hillary refers to in her now famous “when the phone rings at 3 a.m.”

Suppose the phone rings at 3 a.m. and President McCain answers?

MCCAIN: Hello! What the hell do you want? Do you want a piece of me? If you’re not careful I’ll come down there and kick your ass! If you don’t think I can do it, then you don’t know what six years in the Hanoi Hilton can do to a man! I’ve had bamboo shoots stuck up my fingernails, so I’m sure I can find a find a bamboo pole that will fit you!

MRS. MCCAIN: Who is it, John?

MCCAIN: What! I don’t care if it does cause a damn nuclear war! I’m sick to death of people giving me microphones that don’t work, bumping into me with TV cameras, asking me about my relationship with John Kerry and bringing up my bad temper. That really pisses me off, and if it happens one more time, I’m pushing the red button, and you’ll all be radioactive!

MRS. McCAIN: John, John!

MCCAIN: OK, that’s it. I’m killing everybody! [JUMPS OUT OF BED, KNOCKING OVER THE BED STAND] Major! Where’s the football!

MRS. MCCAIN: John, what’s the matter, dear?

MCCAIN: Nothing’s wrong. That was the night chef. My hot chocolate is ready.

THE SECRET SERVICE ENTERS IN A PANIC RUN, WITH GUNS DRAWN

SECRET SERVICE: Are you OK, Mr. President?

MCCAIN: Yeah, I’m fine. I just don’t like to drink alone.

Hatched by Dave Ross on this day, March 7, 2008, at the time of 8:16 PM

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Comments

The following hissed in response by: eliXelx

The angels were discussing on their ethereal blog whether the Creation of Man had been a good idea. The outcome of the debate was truly existential--whether or not man would continue to exist or be destroyed.

Exactly half argued that Man could be kind, innovative, pious; the other half that Man was vicious, incontinent, destructive.

So they asked the sole Super Delegate what should become of Man, and the answer came back:

"He may be only half-perfect, but He's all the Man we've got right now! Give him a chance to tip the scales one way or the other." (Adapted from the Talmud.)

And that, fellow Americans, would be John McCain!

The above hissed in response by: eliXelx at March 8, 2008 12:50 AM

The following hissed in response by: Mr. Michael

I thought Huckabee was the Republican who was anointed by God...?

The above hissed in response by: Mr. Michael at March 8, 2008 2:03 AM

The following hissed in response by: scarecrowstrawberryfield

eliXelx

First of all, it is Dave, not Dafydd who wrote this post. Second, I am not sure if Dave is making fun of McCain's temper or people who constantly bring that up.

The above hissed in response by: scarecrowstrawberryfield at March 8, 2008 11:21 AM

The following hissed in response by: Dafydd ab Hugh

One comment by a commenter who shall remain nameless -- but whose identity can probably be guessed -- has been deleted for unmitigated jackassery.

And I give that commenter a public warning: If you again attack one of the bloggers who blogs at Big Lizards (any of us), you will be banned.

You are welcome to disagree; you are not permitted to insult, smear, sneer, or attack. This is not a democracy. You have no right to freedom of speech here. This is private property, and I will have decorum.

Oh, and if you look to the top of the post, you will notice that I did not write it; the author of this post is Dave Ross.

Got it?

The Mgt.

The above hissed in response by: Dafydd ab Hugh at March 8, 2008 6:28 PM

The following hissed in response by: eliXelx

My apologies, Daffydd, for taking your name in vain; I've always thought of this as a one-owner tent; it seems that it is not an autocracy at all; more like an oligarchy!

It saddens me that anyone should invite guests into their home and then tell them to button their lips when those self-same hosts consider it their G-d-given inalienable right to speak freely and without fear of muzzling in the bigger house we all live in, America.

I did NOT, emphatically NOT, attack the person who wrote this snide piece on McCain. I attacked the wicked and sarcastic intent. Calling someone a scoffer because he scoffs is not a personal attack! I, on the other hand, am deprived of a name and threatened!

Finally, it's much much easier to scoff than to be scoffed at! I should know--you sin against me far far more than I have sinned against you!

Goodbye and good luck!

The above hissed in response by: eliXelx at March 10, 2008 8:03 AM