April 18, 2006

Uricane Oogo

Hatched by Dafydd

Unelected Venezuelan strongman Hugo Chavez remains in his position only by dint of an "election" in 2000 that even Jimmy Carter declared invalid, and a recall election in 2004 where exit polls showed Chavez losing 60-40... but when Chavez's team finished counting the ballots, they discovered, mirabile dictu, that he had won by 60-40, instead.

Today, he steadfastly maintains that the United States is plotting to assassinate him, invade Venezuela, and steal Caracas. Or all the oil... we're there to steal something, that's for sure. And now he adds a new chapter to the annals of his reign (which double as university textbooks for abnormal psych).

Hugo Chavez now declares that the Caribbean Sea is off limits to American warships; we must leave and not return. In this, he presumes to speak not only for Venezuela, long a victim of American running-dog imperialism, but also for Cuba, long a victim of Castroite running-nose poverty:

President Hugo Chavez, who accuses Washington of planning to invade Venezuela, said on Tuesday recent deployment of U.S. warships in the Caribbean Sea threatened his country and its ally Cuba.

Four U.S. warships, including an aircraft carrier, and 6,500 sailors, are in a two-month deployment in the Caribbean Sea dubbed "Partnership of the Americas" by the U.S. Navy.

"They are doing maneuvers right here," Chavez told a student meeting in the country's west. "This is a threat, not just against us, against Venezuela, against Cuba."

He is particularly irked that we dropped anchor at Aruba, which he appears to believe he owns. (We await the inevitable "all your base are belong to us.")

Hugo Chavez has also revealed the military plan by which his citizen militia will repel America's inevitable invasion of fair Caracas:

Chavez, who has created a civilian reserve to resist the assault he says Washington is planning, has threatened to repel U.S. forces with arrows coated with poison.

You'd think he could at least borrow some Brazillian blowgunners.

Needless to say, I strongly suspect that we will not honor his demand. We will continue projecting American might (including our naval vanguard, Royal Caribbean cruise ships) into Aruba and many other islands. (As a side issue, in my one cruise in the Caribbean, we did, in fact, dock in Caracas, Venezuela. It was just a city back then, not the socialist paradise it is now, the envy of the world, and the concerted target of the Lexus of evil, the United States of America. After conducting intelligence-gathering operations for the Navy, I rejoined my parents and we continued on to Grenada.)

One wonders how long it will be before Hugo's head bursts open like a cocoon... and what, exactly, will come slithering out.

Hatched by Dafydd on this day, April 18, 2006, at the time of 7:02 PM

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The following hissed in response by: Don

Imagine that. The US Navy in the Caribbean. What are they doing there?!!!!

Must be Vicious Yankee Imperialism(tm) again.

Look at it from Hugo's POV. If History had gone as it ought to have Texas would still be part of Mexico and Florida, the Gulf Coast part of Spain. Louisiana still owned by France. QED the US which only extends to the upper Mississippi river has no business in the Carribean!

The above hissed in response by: Don [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 19, 2006 2:25 AM

The following hissed in response by: Terrye

I think Hugo's point of view might have something to do with the fact that he is a paranoid coke head.

The above hissed in response by: Terrye [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 19, 2006 4:12 AM

The following hissed in response by: Big D

Next up he announces that he has a super duper torpedo that is unstoppable and can sink any war ship! Launched from stealth hovercraft! Protected by a lightning shield! Driven by trained capuchin cyber monkeys!

His head bursts open? I imagine spoors, thousands of tiny little spoors dropping on the fertile fields of Bolivia...Peru....

The above hissed in response by: Big D [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 19, 2006 9:40 AM

The following hissed in response by: Brian H

Unfortunately for Hugo, there is a little historical accident called the Monroe Doctrine. http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/monroe.htm

While it specifically bars Europe from expanding influence in the area, there is the added insistence that governments in the region be allowed to develop in their own way, without domination. Any attempt of Chavez to extend the Hugo-Fidel pact to others is likely to run afoul of the spirit of the Doctrine.

In any case, Venezuela is militarily miniscule, and ought to remember that.

The above hissed in response by: Brian H [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 18, 2007 9:43 PM

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