February 9, 2006
Paging John Kerry!
I understand that you've been blogging over at the Daily Kos as a "diarist," which, hate to say it, sounds like a medical condition. You've been around long enough to know that you shouldn't jump at the first offer you get; you're in big demand: former presidential candidate, Senate veteran, Vietnam veteran (well, you know, whatever). I think you ought to consider some other offers; the gig you have now might not be the best suited for your talents.
Come on here to Big Lizards, Jack! Can I call you Jack? Okay... Big Lizards would love to have you as a guest blogger, Mr. Kerry. None of this diarrhoea nonsense; over here, you'll be a full-fledged guest blogger... just like I was at Captain's Quarters, except I'll give you category-creation privileges, and I won't make you empty the ashtrays in the Captain's shack (that's another story for another time).
You can pick your own password. Or, if you can't make up your mind, I'll pick one for you: how does "otherhandclapping" sound?
I know I've said some harsh things about you, Mr. Kerry; but that was just business, nothing personal. I'm never personal. Say... did I ever tell you how much you remind me of that other JFK from Massachusetts?
And Mr. Kennedy, there's money in this offer, too! I have -- I'm sorry, I meant Mr. Kerry; I mix you two up all the time. It's like -- whoa -- separated at birth, or something!
JFK² -- two peas in a pot!
And Mr. Kerry, there's real money in this offer too: I've got quite a bit banging around here, and it's burning a hole in my pocket. There's a cool FOR-TEE bucks -- $40.00 -- a pair o' Jacksons -- and it's all for you, if you just reconsider your association with that other website and come on over here. And let us do an advert about it. And charge for access to the Lizard Select.
And if that's not quite enough, just hang on: I'll be running some fundraisers, and I'm sure we can raise that bonus money up by quite a margin.
Just think -- you'll have an absolutely free hand on the hottest blog in the 'sphere... and you can create categories! We get more than twice as many visitors per day as Daily Kos;I think maybe three times, almost. That Markos Whatsisname Alphabet is just a piker. I've even heard rumors they've got some sort of connection with those Swift-Boat Vets; you know what they're like.
I am absolutely serious, Mr. Kerry. Just think what you could do with that money. And you don't even have to tell your wife; it can be our little secret...!
Hope to hear from you soon, Mr. Kennedy. Whoops, there I go again -- I just can't tell you two apart!
Dafydd "Moondoggle" ab Hugh
Hatched by Dafydd on this day, February 9, 2006, at the time of 11:09 PM
TrackBack URL for this hissing: http://biglizards.net/mt3.36/earendiltrack.cgi/476
The following hissed in response by: streeter
Thanks for the post on JFK, now it's off to office depot for a new keyboard(if I'd been on my laptop I would be really pissed right now).
From now on when I check in with your sight I'm going to have invoke my Scrappleface rule of no beverages within 20 feet of the keyboard/laptop.
The following hissed in response by: KarmiCommunist
Mr. Kerry is coming here?!? Hey, i quess so, since Dafydd made him an offer he can't refuse...*HOOORAY*!!!
KårmiÇømmünîs† (Mr. Kerry, you can call grateful me "Karmi")
The above hissed in response by: KarmiCommunist at February 10, 2006 6:55 PM
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